Title: Big Steps
Category: loosing weight
Blog Entry: Small steps is how you start, this is what we are always told. Writing this here is a big step for me. I have been overweight for most of my life, when I was in my teenage years like most of us probably I was only slightly overweight. Just a bit chubby round the middle and my legs.
Then I hit 21 and had my first child Steph, I gained a load in my pregnancy and never really had a chance or motivation to lose it. By the time my daughter was 6 months old I found out I was 3 months pregnant with twins. Needless to say by the time I had my boys the weight I put on was tremendous. Once I had my children and gave up work to raise them, I never really paid attention to myself still don't now really. Everything I do is for my children, except this..It’s about time I lost weight and got healthy!
When I was 27 I moved to live in the states with my children, I am originally from London UK (by now the children’s' father was out of the picture, and was really never help raising them) I married an American man and we lived in a semi rural community in upstate NY. My husband had lived there most of his life and you know how small towns are...My husband had previously been in a long term marriage which had fallen apart (he had no children, which in a way was a blessing). But with the rumours and gossip mill in the town I felt very isolated and never really made any friends all the time I lived there. All the time my weight grew and grew unchecked. I never went out of the house unless I had to for shopping etc. I always feel others are looking at me and judging me for my size and not for who I am.
By 2007 We all moved to southern Ireland to be closer to my family and really begin a new life. My family welcomed me back non judgmental of my size. Needless to say when I first got here I gorged on food that I had missed living in the states. So yet more weight piled on.
By April of this year I was really unhappy with myself and my size. I confided in my mum. I told her I was worried about a lump that had appeared on my stomach near my belly button, I also told her how I would not go out of the house as I was so ashamed and embrassed about my size. My husband has always encouraged me about losing weight and been very supportive, but I could always sort of put ot off till tomorrow, but as you all know with your mum thats a different story. She told me to go to the doctors and get help. She knew I would not take the first step unless I was pushed, Mums always seem to know that about you. So she phoned me and told me I had an appointment all made for 2nd May and I'd better go. There is no messing with mum's she was even gonna go with me for support ( I think it was really to make sure I go! )
The day came and I found myself sitting in the doctor’s office dreading what she would say to me. My doctor is a real slender, small woman with a real determined look in her eye. I made a promise to my mum that I would go and she did not need to go with me, I also promised to phone her after.
Well the consultation took about an hour and I found myself telling her everything. All my secrets and feelings about food and eating. My unhappiness with my size. I found out that I do have a hernia which will need an operation. I will also need counselling for comfort eating, bloods checked and to be weighed! I had not weighed myself for years, I was petrified and close to tears! But I did it I got on the scales and closed my eyes whilst the doc took my weight!
I did not want to know I was not ready to know. My doctor told me she wants me to come into the surgery every two weeks or so to get my weight checked and emotional support on my weight loss. She gave me guidelines and a few diet sheets and that was that.
My bloods came back thankfully no diabetes, high cholesterol or any other nastiness in my blood. I did show up as having a fatty liver with my size is not surprising. I am going to have an ultrasound for that in August. My BP is good and within normal range but I am morbidly obese and need to shift a lot of weight.
As it stands today I weigh 345 pounds and I have lost approximately 20 pounds. Not much I know but it’s a start. I am doing this on my own with my doctors support and have a limit on exercise, I can't do any abdominal exercise till the hernia gets fixed. I am meant to be walking..I find this hard because I am so self conscious about my weight and how others judge me. In the town where I live in Ireland I feel like the fattest person here. I know I probably am not but that does not quell the fear I feel. I had planned to go for a walk today with my daughter but the weather is not co-operating (pouring down with rain!) Hey they don't call it the emerald isle for nothing! The grass gets so green because its always raining .
I know this was a mammoth read (no pun intended) but it took a lot for me to be open and honest about my weight and I think I need a bigger support system to succeed at this. So I am asking all you good people out there to give me some help and friendship in my weight loss dreams and make them a reality.
Thanks for reading
Aly
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