i'm eating grilled tritip, steamed yellow squash, and half a baked potato. not bad at all, until you look at the quantity of meat, butter & sour cream on the potato, and mason jar of pepsi (my fourth today).

i've been struggling with my weight for almost exactly 3 years. 3 years ago i graduated college and therefore graduated from waitressing.... a profession that called for about 4 hours of running around  4 or 5 times a week, and that kept me from eating in the evenings. when i quit i started with a construction firm, and started going to lunch every day with my coworkers, all men, who spent the day doing work that justified the size of their appetites. i was probably about 140lbs at that time, which put me into a perfect size 6 at 5'7".

 now i'm up to 162. not until that transition in my life had i ever really had a weight problem, or at least not a problem taking off a few pounds when needed. i wouldn't really consider myself 'fat', but i certainly weigh more than ideal, and am definitely over-fat. according to the bmi i got from my gym, i'm 'obese'.

i got married two weeks ago to a lean, muscular handsome man who i know has very set ideas on what is 'fat'. while he would never call me fat, i know i'm not as attractive to him as when we started dating, or even when we moved in together... how could i be, when i'm not at all attractive to myself?

 today we had a brief conversation about weight, and in response to me pointing out that i have gained 20lbs he said 'maybe that's just your adult weight. you aren't 23 anymore'. which really hit me.  i can't live my life being this dissatisfied with my appearance.

so here i am. i'm a writer by nature, so i thought a blog might help me. my goal is that by his birthday (halloween) i will be back into my old size 6 clothes (which i have refused to throw away). so when it comes time to buy my winter clothes i can buy things that don't hide my belly bulge. 

that gives me 15 weeks to lose 22 lbs, a very realistic goal for a reasonably healthy 27 year old. i hate counting calories, but i'm good at it. i hate the gym but i know what to do. *sigh. i don't want to spend 28 feeling as miserable about my pudge. so here i go.

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