DATE: 01/21/2008 06:25:21 / MOOD: other
I had a crap eating day today. I got up early and went into town, to exchange some games I bought that were damaged, and one my way home I decided to get mcdonalds for breakfast. I know I shouldn't had... but I did. Then I spent the whole day in front of the TV playing video games and drinking diet coke (which is bad for you, even though it's "diet")
Tomorrow I'm working, I consider that exercise, because I'm on my feet for 4 hours walking around in circles. When it's busy I actually start to feel dizzy. so we'll see. Will try not to eat crap tomorrow... and go to bed earlier, so I'm not tired.
I really don't want to work there anymore. I spent 2 and a half years in a similar job... and now I'm back to it and it's boring, and repetitive. I don't know how to figure it out, because my boss is like a friend, and it's weird now that he's my boss, and I don't want to leave him, after he asked me to work for him and I said yes... I was thinking of telling him that I'm going thru a tough time, cos I am. I lost my job a week ago... and the next day I was there ready to work. Maybe I should of taken more time off to sort out my ???, before I started working again.
Last night I actually went to bed, and didn't cry. The first time in a week. This time last week I was hysterical... I cried and cried for hours and hours... I had spent the day at work, happy, but nervous that my probation was over... I was excited to be moving up, and getting a pay rise. The other employee was called in first @ about 4pm... at 5pm he emerged happy. Then I was called in, as soon I sat down i realised something bad was going to happen.... he went well, then he said "I think we're going to call it a day" I was shattered. I shook his hand, thanked him for the experience, walked out, collected up my things and got into my car. As soon as I was in my car I burst into tears... I drove home (very dangerous when your having a nervous breakdown) and got home. My mum was sitting in the kitchen... all I did was shake my head and she knew. I cried for hours. I really thought that I was going to stay there. I loved it there, and I was looking forward to getting more responcibility. But No.
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DATE: 01/20/2008 08:06:48 / MOOD: disappointed
So, it's 20 days into 2008 and so far my new years resolution to lose weight has gone unnoticed. This is the first step. I don't know if anyone will read this... but I just need some form of outlet. I need to tell someone whats going through my mind. So this is it.
Let me start. I'm 21 years old and I weight 145kg (I don't know what that is in pounds... but it's alot... i know that) I have always been fat. I don't remember how old I was when I hit the 100kg mark. But I'm going to hit it THIS YEAR!
I get depressed about my weight. I cry at night, I tell myself that I will lose weight... that I will exercise, and eat healthy, but in the morning the motivation is gone, and I'm back to being happy (well as happy as I can be like this) but then when night comes and I'm lying in bed, it starts all over again... like some vicious circle.
I need some motivation... I think thats my biggest problem. I've never been on any diet (like weight watchers or atkins or jenny craig, or whatever) I don't know if I should. My mum tells me I should go walking, but I find walking boring. I'm trying to decide if I should join a gym.
The whole idea of being fat for the rest of my life scares the ??? out of me. I've never had a boyfriend, but I watch people that are as large as me or even larger with boyfriends... my weight is screwing with my confindence. And the fact I lost my job that I loved was just another blow at my self-esteem.
So I guess the whole reason I joined this community was to find people like me, that know what I'm going through, and just to be able to talk to people and let it all out.
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